Meeting Teachers-2

Meeting Teachers-2

I next headed to the primary section of Udgam School, a C.B.S.E affiliated
school. Udgam School for Children was founded 47 years ago in a small building by Mrs. Sarojben Carvalho. Eventually the school grew and it was necessary to shift to a bigger premises. As an international university preparatory high school committed to excellence, Udgam School seeks to educate students to be accountable, productive, and ethical citizens with the skills to think innovatively, reason critically, communicate effectively, and respect peoples of other cultures.

Mrs Hina Desai who teaches at the nursery shared some of her experiences on her involvement with parents and her role in handling both children and parents. I started off by explaining her about the project telling her about a guideline or a structure that can be developed for parents which can be useful for them to handle their kids while beginning school. Mrs. Desai then questioned me “ Do you really think that parents really read all guidelines.” I told her that what if such material is available to parents at the time of admission, to which she replied that yes that could be possible and appreciated the idea. She also suggested that personal counselling of parents or an interactive workshop of parents and teachers can also be held for that.

Mrs. Hina Desai

I had several key questions in my mind and I thought I should directly talk about the scenario.

Q. What should parents do when their child begins school?

A. At the time of admission the background of child can be deciphered. So the    
    teachers could have an interactive session with the parents and address their     
    questions at the initial stage itself. The parents should understand the role   
    they are supposed to play by initiating education of their children. They 
    should think of ways in which they can support both the child as well as the  
    school.

Q.What problems do children commonly face while beginning school?

A.Children are very insecure when they begin with school. Parents too feel 
    insecure. Children don’t know what a school is. Once they realize that at the  
    end of the day they go back home, which normally takes about 15 days then 
    they start feeling comfortable. But in special cases such as a disabled child, 
    more love, affection and encouragement is needed. They should have special 
    classes for them. However society is not always ready to accept a disabled 
    child in the institution which further causes a restrain on its education.

Q.How open our children with their parents?

A.Children do take time to share what happens in school with their parents. In 
    such case the parents should not try to force the child to speak out. Give 
    children time to understand what is happening around them and then let them 
    come on their own and share. However these days, parents have also become 
    careless and at times forget to get the child involved and motivated towards 
    school. Their own busy schedules dilute their attention for their children.

Q.How should parents make their child feel comfortable? What all can they 
    possibly do?

A. Motivation and warmth are the key ingredients for a child to feel comfortable 
    anywhere. Parents should tell them about school, about the enjoyment in 
    school and about new things they can learn. Parents should talk cheerfully 
    about school as though befriending school and their child. At the same time 
    also be strict, in case the child throws tantrums on going to school. The child 
    shouldn't always be spared because then it would not take things seriously. If 
    it doesn’t like anything it would want to refuse but it’s the duty of parents to 
    make the child realize the importance of school, and the morals it carries with 
    itself.

Q.What is the role play of siblings?

A.Siblings generally tend to be very protective of their younger brothers or 
    sisters. It does play a very critical role for a child whose sibling is already 
    studying in that school. It becomes much easier. Usually siblings tend to 
    encourage their younger ones. At times they even try to scare them off but in 
   such cases teachers do take initiative to explain to the elder ones to motivate 
    the younger ones.

Q.Has the working pattern of parents affected the child?

A.Children belonging to parents, where both are working are highly insecure. 
    Parents should be encouraged to spend time with them as much as possible.  
   There was a case when this little boy was having cough and cold yet his mother 
   sent him to school. While leaving for home, his mother had come to collect 
   him, instead of his nanny. The teacher questioned his mother about the child’s 
   cold. The mother told that he didn’t have cold until he reached school and 
   that he has been pretending. The teacher knew that it was a genuine case of 
   cold and asked the mother not to forcefully send the child to school just 
   because she herself doesn’t have time. Later when the child was asked 
   whether he liked staying at home he said that he didn’t like it because 
   whenever he fell ill no one gave him medicine and his parents were always 
   working. This kind of treatment by parents can have a long lasting effect on 
   the child. It might cause severe insecurity and affect him mentally as well as 
   physically.

Q.Is the growing trend of nuclear families affecting the child?

A.Yes definitely it is. Nuclear families generally comprise of the parents and the 
   children and grandparents to some extent. The trend of having a single child 
   and also living in flats has moulded the child’s behavior. Parents while away
   for work often instruct their nannies to not let the child out. So he basically   
   gets constricted to his tiny flat. The only means of entertainment are 
   television or books, This results in him being shy and introvert. Such children 
  feel scared when they immediately come to school. They are not used to see 
  hundreds of other kids. They are not used to talking. All this causes phobia in 
  child’s mind. 

   In case of grandparents also there are diverse situations. Many grandparents 
   feel that whatever they couldn't give their children, they will give it to their 
   grandchildren. By means of doing so, they often pamper them. Whereas in 
   some cases, the mother-in law are aware that their interference in their 
   grandchild’s life will not be liked by their children or their daughter-in-law. So 
   they often keep silent and not pay heed to how the grandchild is being 
   treated. Even if they wish to they are scared. Thus the child is helpless as he 
   has no one to approach. All this can lead to psychological problems. Even if 
   the child ended up growing normally, if his school beginning years are not 
   taken sensitively, the child may start bed wetting, thumb sucking or 
   stammering.

Q.What about fathers in today’s scenario?

A.Fathers have become more supportive knowing that their wives are also busy. 
   Of late more and more fathers turn up for the PTA meetings.

Q.What would you suggest the young generation when it comes to dealing 
    with kids and their education?

 A.“Please,please give time to your children.”

      Often a mother’s stress is transferred to the kid. So a mother should try and  
      be calm. They should be patient with their children. They should meditate if 
      they feel that their schedule is erratic and they bash their children 
      frequently. Basically both parents need to control their emotions while 
      talking to their children.

Understanding the existing scenario

Meeting Teachers-1

Prior to that day I had spoken to Mrs. Himani and scheduled an appointment.

She has been in the profession of educating playschool children for the past eleven years and currently heads Cocoon, a playschool and a nursery. I began by explaining my purpose to see her and then went on to explain the project. Interacting with tender aged children as well as their parents has given her a wide experience of the numerous situations that occur and how the children, parents and teachers deal with it at their own levels. She felt that every child is unique and each of them should be treated so. No one solution is good enough for a problem faced by these children. 

Beginning with education consists of familiarizing with the environment and the people around, understanding the why and how of things happening around us. Children initially do take some time to adjust with the new surroundings. In most cases ten days are minimally needed after which he begins to enjoy school. He or she will become active in what goes on at the school. However the time junction where the parents take their child out from home for school still remains crucial for parents to handle. They may enjoy school but the phase where they are to leave the house still remains troublesome. Many parents find it very hard to handle their children not because the child is being stubborn but because they themselves are afraid to detach themselves from kids. This usually happens in cases where mothers are homemakers.

Also with changing times many women too have decided to go out and work. Many scenarios have emerged out of this. The child could be left in care of his grandparents or his maid or his siblings or any relative. In each case the behavior possibility is manifold. In a case of nuclear family, when both parents are working, often the aspect of guilt comes in where parents feel that they are not devoting enough time to their children and in turn over pamper them. Whereas there are some parents who do time shifts so that when father is not available the mother is and vice versa. One can’t really generalize the situation.

School beginning is one of the first big changes in a child’s life. Even though a child can put his feelings to words he feels stressed. In such a scenario parents often forget about the fear in their child’s mind and force him to school. There are two things parents should keep in mind:

1. They should not push their child a lot, give him his space.
2. They should never compare its growth to others.

Parents should give their children time to settle before beginning to question them about what is happening in school. The children should come by themselves and talk about it. The conversation ended with Mrs. Himani mentioning a memory of hers when her daughter was born. She said that one of the first lessons she learnt as a mother was to be patient and not compare her child’s capabilities with any other because every child is unique.

A Mid-Air Crisis!

In the midst of reading about the role of parents while their children begin school and listing down all the experiences of mine and the people around me, a question struck me- "If most of us end up growing as normal humans then it clearly indicates that our parents knew the tricks of raising. So what is the problem?"

This question kept occurring in my mind time and again. I began to probe into the relevance of the project. To save myself from getting more disturbed I headed to my guide, Tarun.

On hearing patiently what I had to say, he suggested that I rethink over the issues that a child faces while beginning school. Moreover the overall phase where the child begins to learn by observing, imitating the ways in which people around him communicate, how it picks up vocabulary and even the way it responds and reacts to a situation should be understood.  All these are actually a result of the customs and the behavior passed onto the parents from their respective parents or who ever brought them, especially in a scenario of a joint family. Earlier children were a part of a big family unit comprising of their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and other siblings. However the system has undergone a change where most children end up staying in a nuclear family consisting of their parents and to some extent their grandparents. And in most of these cases both the parents are working. So once the child is born the so called occupied parents now turn to take care of the children.  But once it is the child’s turn to go to school then the distance becomes too difficult to handle for both the parents as well as children. They are unable to understand how their child is feeling and many a times in absence of grandparents they too make mistakes.

The crux of situation lies in finding situations where parents also end up making mistakes and approaches to solve it. He also advised me to look at projects from around the world which involve such issues and how these issues have been dealt with.

So I have decided to rethink over the project. Meet people who deal closely with both children and parents and figure out the actual scenario. Give it some more thought and not get troubled by the questions that came in my mind.